Passionate Sex or Rape?

As college students, we are all at risk of experiencing sexual assault in one form or another. The setting is perfect for miscommunication on what an individual is comfortable with and what they are willing to consent to. According to Shaw and Lee, “Consensual sex is negotiated through communication where individuals express their feelings and desires and are able to listen to and respect others’ feelings and desires”. Rachel Kramer Bussell takes it a step further and says that consenting adults should have a “yes, no, maybe” chart in which they clearly lay out the things that they are comfortable and uncomfortable with.

Although people generally think of rapists as a stranger, waiting in the bushes to attack, seven out of ten female rape victims state that they know their attacker. This “acquaintance rape”, more commonly called “date rape”, is what most of us have been impacted by as college students.

We all see images of forceful sex in the media. This is not limited to porn. A “strong man” picking up a woman and having his way with her is seen as passion, not rape. I do think that media portrayal of sex contributes to mistaken ideas about sexuality but I also think that there are other ways that the understanding of the lines between passionate sex and rape are being blurred.

I recently downloaded the application “whisper” where people can anonymously post their secrets to a public domain. The things that people choose to post have surprised me. I am also concerned about the implications of these posts because although the sentiments may be true for one woman, they may be generalized to all women, furthering the issue with the idea that women mean yes when they say no.

                         

(I apologize for the language)

An individual’s sexual preferences are there own and in my opinion, they are free to do whatever they please. If an individual is interested in rough sex, gang bangs, or S&M, that is fine as long as every person involved is actively consenting to the situation. The issue of individual preference is not the real issue here. The problem comes in when the preferences of individuals are looked at as universal  preferences of an entire group.

Women are commonly the victims of sexual assault and although a quick fix might seem be telling women not to present themselves in a sexual way, this is insulting to both men and women. It seems unfair to tell one group that they are not allowed to share their sexual preferences because another party may be confused and unable to comprehend that one person does not represent the preferences of an entire population.  Women's actions are generally scrutinized if something does go wrong in a sexual experience. If I were a male, I think that I would be insulted by society's portrayal of me as a purely sexual being that cannot control my urges or restrain myself from acting on impulse. It seems as though there needs to be a societal change but I dont think that this change should be in women. I think that men need to actively seek consent from sexual partners and not make assumptions about another individual's preferences.

I think that in an ideal world, consenting adults WOULD discuss each thing that they are comfortable with, every step of the way. Unfortunately, it seems as though the way sex is presented and the way females are portrayed get in the way of this. Young people are getting messages that are clearly anti-rape but at the same time they are being presented images of women enjoying the struggle and not meaning stop when they say it. 

How do you all think that this problem can be minimized? Where do you think the responsibility lies in terms of gaining consent? How does the idea of consent fit into the college scene we are all actively a part of?